“I still have a little imposter syndrome… It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.”

Michelle Obama

January 25th, 2025

📍Berlin, Germany 🇩🇪

Grüße aus der Wildnis!

I’ve been dealing with imposter syndrome this past week. Defined as a person suffering feelings of intellectual or professional fraudulence, a subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one’s abilities and accomplishments, despite evidence to the contrary. Essentially, doubting one’s skills and talents.

I find so often that this shows up for me with my artwork, but this week I’ve been feeling like a fraud as a Champion of Rest because I have been struggling to walk the walk all month. All of this hectic travel since returning from Mexico has kept me in a chronic state of hurry, and my body is really feeling it. I knew January was going to be wild with multiple in-person and online events (more about those events in the coming letters), not to mention traveling between five countries and five different time zones.

It’s been a lot. I think the icing on the imposter syndrome cake is that I am about to lead our new Loto Reads book club through a discussion of John Mark Comer’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. Even though I’ve read this book a few times before and have even adopted many of the lifestyle shifts suggested to combat chronic hurry, I still find myself struggling to slow down and do less.

My inner critic keeps condemning me, “Who am I to be leading anyone into a lifestyle of rest (and less hurry) when I’m struggling to do just that myself?”

I spoke about this very thing with my somatic therapist. After working with her and spending considerable time meditating on it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not because I’ve mastered these techniques and live an unhurried life free of busyness that qualifies me to lead others.

I have no doubt that YHWH anointed me to be a voice of healing calling from the wilderness to prepare the way for the Lord and to clear the way in the desert for Him. And I believe that God equips the called instead of calling the equipped. In other words, it’s not because I have everything figured out and walk it out perfectly that makes me an effective Champion.

It’s the very fact that I am on this journey of healing alongside you that matters. And even more than that, this ministry work really isn’t about me anyway. It’s in my weakness that He gets the glory.

Everything that Loto is and ever will be came from Divine inspiration, and the focus has always been on God and community, not me—I’m merely Jesus’ hands and feet.

The Lord has been showing me that imposter syndrome is really my pride, my ego-driven flesh, fighting fear.

As long as I am driven by the fear of not being enough, I will continue to suffer, feeling like an imposter. I have to let that go and shift my focus back to God’s perfect love that casts out fear. Like so much of my faith walk, it’s a journey of surrender.

In truth, the heart of this ministry of rest isn’t me providing a perfect example and leading you into The Way (that was Jesus’ job); it’s gathering together a community of seekers practicing apprenticeship to Jesus. To learn from each other.

From a deep place of knowing and understanding my human frailty, God and I continue to build the Loto Wellness Collective platform as a space for healing and encouragement—a community of seekers sojourning through the wilderness of this human life on earth together.

This leads me to a personal ask I have of you…

I need your help. As I continue on my own healing journey back to wholeness, it’s important for me to feel connected to others, especially while traveling the globe. I need support and accountability, and I need to feel like I am not alone. I need you!

I love seeing your smiling faces at the online events, hugging you at the in-person immersions, and receiving emails from you letting me know how my words and this work have touched your heart. But I want more.

I want to hear about your struggles and encourage you. I want to celebrate with you when you learn to say “no” and change a habit of self-abandonment. I want to be inspired by your self-care practices. I want to know how God is speaking to you in your wilderness season. I want to share life with you, and that’s a two-sided relationship. Can we do that?

Will you please encourage me and hold me accountable? Will you please bravely show up to share your ongoing journey with me? Will you please join me and all of the others in our growing online community of seekers of The Way of Jesus? Will you please join The Collective on Facebook and/or WhatsApp and contribute to the shared healing? Can we do life together?

This begs the question: What role does the community currently play in your healing journey?

With Love,

Jennifer

PS- 2025 has been off to a rough start. Are you a prayer warrior or in need of prayer? Add your request to the #lotoprays chat in The Collective community spaces on WhatsApp and Facebook.

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