Breath of Life
"In the cathedral of the wild a glorious language is revealed in every breath." - Robbie George
August 19th, 2024
Hello from the wilderness!
I don't know how else to say this, but will you pray for me? We are seven weeks into this transition phase from living in Denver's urban downtown to living in the mountains of Salida while we await Scott's American citizenship, and this past week has been rough.
I've been saying since the beginning of this storytelling journey (you can catch up on all of the details via the Loto Journal), and I've promised to myself and you that I would not present a sugar-coated version of this journey into global digital nomadism and location independent living. I'm currently facing more of the hard parts of this transition.
Dismantling the life Scott and I had in Denver was hard. Getting rid of belongings and saying goodbye to our home and friends as we ventured into so much unknown was emotionally challenging. And while we are loving living in the forest, the realities of this major lifestyle shift are continuing to surface. When all of those things we found so comfortable in their familiarity are gone, what is left feels like it is being laid bare. When you can no longer hide behind your "usual routine," truths about yourself are revealed.
And that's where I find myself in this stage of my wilderness wanderings— The Lord is bringing into the light things about myself that I have denied for a very long time, namely how much anger I've been carrying (any other Enneagram 8's who can relate to this? 🙋🏼♀️). To put it bluntly, I have been living at a simmering boil, only requiring one degree of increased heat for me to boil over. I can feel it in my body, and now I am hyper-aware of how that state of being has played out in my life.
The wilderness is teaching me to listen to my body and stop denying the now-obvious signals my body has been telling me about living in a chronic state of simmering boil.
While God is working in my spirit to address the root cause of this anger, I also have to wrap my head around the implications of these feelings and how they have shown up in my relationships and support my body out of "fight" mode. More than ever, I am finding the nervous system self-regulation techniques that I love so much as invaluable tools in helping my body release that anger in a healthy way.
As you may know, I've been going up to the nearby waterfall in the afternoons to pray, and now I am including deep meditation, breath prayers, and other somatic healing practices to address this anger.
Please pray for me as I continue on this journey to heal the root cause of my anger and address the symptoms I have been trying to deny but were present all along. I need His breath of life to infiltrate the depth of my soul and the courage to sit with these feelings in the light of His mercy and grace...
Inhale mercy...
Exhale grace...
Inhale mercy...
Exhale grace...
May you, too, find the courage to surrender any anger you've been holding onto.
Feeling vulnerable and laid bare,
Jennifer
PS- Check out the guest contributor blog post from Maggie Lightner, With-God Wellness, about breath prayers.
The Arkansas river after an afternoon float on my brother-in-law’s river raft.
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